Jello. Love. Monkeys. You know, the essentials.

what the hell is the aluminum falcon?

I know you guys have probably seen this by now, but the Robot Chicken take on Star Wars still cracks me up.

posted by jellomonkey @ 10:52 AM 0 comments

tears, tears!

sadness! Musa got voted off!! :(

posted by jellomonkey @ 10:30 PM 0 comments

... is this thing on? stupid politician is broken again ...

I was actually talking to someone about this a few days ago, and then I ran across an article in the LA Times. (Sorry, was gonna link it but crapped it up.)

"Politicians have become gutless panderers to the public's lowest common denominator, afraid to lead. Blame mainly their consultants' slavish addiction to polling and focus groups."

Yes, and no. The consultants are not to blame. Consultants can only do their job, which is essentially to measure the barometer of public opinion. That's why they're consultants. Politicians, on the other hand, have one job and one job only:

To make decisions.

Assuming the article's premise is true, if politicians are driven by their consultants, the consultants are running the country. Meaning, some random poll results are running the country. This might look almost like direct democracy at first glance; but when the poll comes back with wildly divergent results on various topics, what happens? (And you know I'm eyeballing you, dems. Be proud of your ability to splinter your own issues and voter base!)

Politicians don't know what to do, so they don't do anything. Because they've lost the ability, or desire, to think for themselves. So they just pick something that the whole of their voter base can agree on - something that elicits a strong gut reaction in people. Like gay marriage. Like abortion. Things that rile people up - many people who will never come into contact with these things. Or things that are so unimportant that politicians can safely make decisions on them without getting criticized by anyone. Like Hilary Clinton giving a crap that someday, somewhere, kids might get chips put in their head for advertising: "Robert Thompson, a professor of pop culture at Syracuse University, said Clinton and other politicians like to attack advertising because it's easier than trying to ban bad food products or fund broad education programs. 'To go after advertising really makes no sense . . . It's sort of a backdoor tack, but it's the safer one politically.' "

I'm sorry, Congress - did I miss the memo about you fixing all the problems that are actually important?

Sustainable and responsible economic policies. Environmental issues. The FDA and pharm companies being shady. Increasing attacks on free speech. These things do, or will, affect you. Me. Everyone. The media doesn't bother with these, because they're not sexy - so politicians can get away with shunting these things into a corner and evading accountability to the people.

The system is broke. Where's Jimmy Stewart when you need him?

Sorry if this was incoherent. Sanity by a thread, people.

posted by jellomonkey @ 9:10 PM 0 comments

i better pass.

because the bar is making me crazy.

posted by jellomonkey @ 1:12 AM 2 comments

It's just a matter of time.

So in response to yesterday's post, some people told me I have an overactive imagination. Maybe I do. Or MAYBE we will all be EATEN. It begins with this.

See, that's pretty cool. And useful! But before long, it'll be used on humans. And then who knows what's going to happen? Well, I'll tell you: the world will end like this. (addicting, no?)

Fine. I'm obsessed. But you'll all be sorry when the apocalypse eats your brains, goddammit.

posted by jellomonkey @ 11:04 PM 0 comments

so. not. funny.

Zombies, people. They're unnatural. They're creepy. They sort of shamble around and lose body parts and make weird faces and, and, and, they EAT you. ALIVE. They can't even MOVE fast but they just pile up on you when you get stuck in a corner and start...grunting, and snorfling, and munching you, and you're screaming, and it all smells like decaying human, which is almost worse than the being eaten.

They're gross! And they give me the ooks! Please stop threatening me with them right before i sleep! I had a stupid nightmare about zombies last night. I don't want to die of a heart attack on my sleep. Cuz i really might. Do you want my death on your conscience?? DO YOU??

posted by jellomonkey @ 10:53 PM 2 comments

Uh, dudes.

And in other oh-so-shocking Taiwan idiocies...

Taiwanese gov't official 1: "Dude! We finally made one missile that can hit China!"

US: "Uh, dudes, China has like 900 missiles pointed at you. That's not..."

Taiwanese gov't official 2: "Sweet! That's, like, so awesome! Let's go test it on them! Shock and awe!! YEAH!!"

US: slowly backing Seventh Fleet out of the Taiwan Strait "Uh, I think I hear Iraq calling."

posted by jellomonkey @ 4:10 PM 0 comments