Jello. Love. Monkeys. You know, the essentials.

can't

2007-08-19T21:48:00.000-07:00

can't breathe

can't forget

can't move

can't work

can't play

can't sing

can't stop

can't focus

can't move on

can't go on

it hurts

it hurts

it hurts

and it's my fault

that all the precious has been taken away

and i am alone

and i know how you feel

but now you have her

and i don't

i have nothing any longer.

and it hurts.

what the hell is the aluminum falcon?

2006-07-15T10:52:00.000-07:00

I know you guys have probably seen this by now, but the Robot Chicken take on Star Wars still cracks me up.

tears, tears!

2006-07-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

sadness! Musa got voted off!! :(

... is this thing on? stupid politician is broken again ...

2006-07-13T21:10:00.000-07:00

I was actually talking to someone about this a few days ago, and then I ran across an article in the LA Times. (Sorry, was gonna link it but crapped it up.)

"Politicians have become gutless panderers to the public's lowest common denominator, afraid to lead. Blame mainly their consultants' slavish addiction to polling and focus groups."

Yes, and no. The consultants are not to blame. Consultants can only do their job, which is essentially to measure the barometer of public opinion. That's why they're consultants. Politicians, on the other hand, have one job and one job only:

To make decisions.

Assuming the article's premise is true, if politicians are driven by their consultants, the consultants are running the country. Meaning, some random poll results are running the country. This might look almost like direct democracy at first glance; but when the poll comes back with wildly divergent results on various topics, what happens? (And you know I'm eyeballing you, dems. Be proud of your ability to splinter your own issues and voter base!)

Politicians don't know what to do, so they don't do anything. Because they've lost the ability, or desire, to think for themselves. So they just pick something that the whole of their voter base can agree on - something that elicits a strong gut reaction in people. Like gay marriage. Like abortion. Things that rile people up - many people who will never come into contact with these things. Or things that are so unimportant that politicians can safely make decisions on them without getting criticized by anyone. Like Hilary Clinton giving a crap that someday, somewhere, kids might get chips put in their head for advertising: "Robert Thompson, a professor of pop culture at Syracuse University, said Clinton and other politicians like to attack advertising because it's easier than trying to ban bad food products or fund broad education programs. 'To go after advertising really makes no sense . . . It's sort of a backdoor tack, but it's the safer one politically.' "

I'm sorry, Congress - did I miss the memo about you fixing all the problems that are actually important?

Sustainable and responsible economic policies. Environmental issues. The FDA and pharm companies being shady. Increasing attacks on free speech. These things do, or will, affect you. Me. Everyone. The media doesn't bother with these, because they're not sexy - so politicians can get away with shunting these things into a corner and evading accountability to the people.

The system is broke. Where's Jimmy Stewart when you need him?

Sorry if this was incoherent. Sanity by a thread, people.

i better pass.

2006-07-13T01:12:00.000-07:00

because the bar is making me crazy.

It's just a matter of time.

2006-07-12T23:04:00.000-07:00

So in response to yesterday's post, some people told me I have an overactive imagination. Maybe I do. Or MAYBE we will all be EATEN. It begins with this.

See, that's pretty cool. And useful! But before long, it'll be used on humans. And then who knows what's going to happen? Well, I'll tell you: the world will end like this. (addicting, no?)

Fine. I'm obsessed. But you'll all be sorry when the apocalypse eats your brains, goddammit.

so. not. funny.

2006-07-11T22:53:00.000-07:00

Zombies, people. They're unnatural. They're creepy. They sort of shamble around and lose body parts and make weird faces and, and, and, they EAT you. ALIVE. They can't even MOVE fast but they just pile up on you when you get stuck in a corner and start...grunting, and snorfling, and munching you, and you're screaming, and it all smells like decaying human, which is almost worse than the being eaten.

They're gross! And they give me the ooks! Please stop threatening me with them right before i sleep! I had a stupid nightmare about zombies last night. I don't want to die of a heart attack on my sleep. Cuz i really might. Do you want my death on your conscience?? DO YOU??

Uh, dudes.

2006-07-06T16:10:00.000-07:00

And in other oh-so-shocking Taiwan idiocies...

Taiwanese gov't official 1: "Dude! We finally made one missile that can hit China!"

US: "Uh, dudes, China has like 900 missiles pointed at you. That's not..."

Taiwanese gov't official 2: "Sweet! That's, like, so awesome! Let's go test it on them! Shock and awe!! YEAH!!"

US: slowly backing Seventh Fleet out of the Taiwan Strait "Uh, I think I hear Iraq calling."

Ah, plane conversations

2006-06-19T12:51:00.000-07:00

These really happened, slightly paraphrased for memory problems.

Weird plane convo #1: 2003

Me: "So, what're you going to LA for?"
Intense-looking kid: "I can't talk about it. But if you read the papers tomorrow, you'll find out."
Me: Great, a terrorist.

Weird plane convo #2: 2004

Me: "Hi, how are you?"
Old white guy: "I'm good, but how about those Muslims taking over the world?"
Me: "I didn't realize they were taking over."
Old white guy: "Yeah, they're everywhere, behind the scenes, you just can't see them. They need to be stopped!"
Me: "Maybe if they're so efficiently taking over the world, they deserve to. Maybe they'll run it better."
Old white guy: "... (silence) ... You have a point."
Thankfully he shut up about it for the rest of the trip.

Weird plane convo #3: yesterday

Me: "Hey, whatcha studying?"
Guy: "Studying for my medical license exam. I had to fly up this morning for a wedding and fly back out the same night so I could study."
Me: "Hey, me too!!"
Guy: "So what college did you go to?"
Me: "Berkeley"
Guy: "Me too! When'd you graduate?"
Me: "I'm not telling, you must be younger than me."
Guy: "I graduated in 2002."
Me: "Wow, me too! What was your major?"
Guy: "ISF"
Me: "Wow, me too! Man, that's crazy."
Guy: "So where do you live in SD?"
Me: "Hillcrest"
Guy: "Hey, I'm moving there next week! We should hang out!"
Me: "I think the universe might implode."

Homeland Asscurity

2006-06-13T00:37:00.000-07:00

Oh, Homeland Security, you make me feel so safe and warm! Especially when someone with a FAKE Mexican-issued ID card stating his address as "123 Fraud Blvd" in "Staton Island, NY" (sic) has used his fakey card to board airplanes, enter government buildings, and even get into the Department of Homeland Security itself, WHICH SUPPOSEDLY DOESN'T ALLOW MEXICAN ID CARDS AT ALL FOR ENTRY. Not only did this not happen only a few times, this guy used his card for FOUR YEARS. And these are the fuckers who make me take off my damn stiletto heels at the security gate because I might have something hidden in my shoes? And the ones who frigging confiscated my lighter, because apparently lighters are so much more dangerous than matches? It's enough to make a girl want to move to Canadia.

Steelers Bite the Dust

2006-06-13T00:16:00.000-07:00

Nobody ever accused football players of being smart. But how stupid do you have to be to be making millions of dollars for playing, already have injury problems constantly, then get on your Hayabusa without a goddamn helmet? Bravo, Roethlisberger, bravo.

http://www.nfl.com/nflnetwork/story/9494405

procrastinating

2006-06-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

Breathing For Dummies

2006-06-08T23:38:00.000-07:00

A real warning label, for a steam iron: "Do Not Iron Clothes While Wearing."

Unnecessary, right?

Oh no. I know the person this label was created for.

"Wow, I never noticed that scar on your chest before!"

"Oh yeah it's pretty big huh? This one time I was late for a party and at the last minute before I left I saw my shirt needed ironing! But I didn't want to take it off, because that would take too much time! So instead I applied the iron to my chest and then didn't get to go to the party at all because I had to go to the hospital!"

True story.

I-Totalitarianism

2006-06-07T23:21:00.000-07:00

So, uh, the news just reported that the I-Pod has surpassed beer in popularity among college students. (According to some study in New Jersey.) I didn't think anything could surpass the allure of beer, except maybe sex, and that tends to be harder to get for most people. Does this scare anyone else? The other day i walked up to an I-Pod vending machine in the grocery store (yeah, it's a vending machine that sells I-Pods, so weird) just to see what all was in it and such. This 12-yr old kid straight up RUNS up to me and is like, "Are you buying an I-Pod??" I was like, dude. This kid is too excited for a 12-year old, he's seen vending machines work. He is straight up going to jack me for my I-Pod if i buy one. Which I wasn't going to, but...still. The madness is getting out of hand.

On a happier music note, if you guys haven't heard of Raul Midon, my friend sent me this the other day and he's just friggin ridiculous. Check it out.

Dude.

2006-06-07T16:32:00.000-07:00

Ann Coulter needs to realize her political views don't justify her being a horrible, worthless human being. Have some damn respect, woman.

In other news, I've finally found my ties to the mother country...err, mother continent.

You Are Storm

Exotic and powerful, Storm descended from a line of African priestesses.
Emotions can effect your powers, but you are generally serene.

Powers: controlling weather, creating winds that lift you into flight, generating lightning

Which of the X-Men Are You?

Telepathy really does exist. Who knew?

Quote of the Day

2006-06-04T22:45:00.000-07:00

"First thing I'd do if I ruled the world is shave all the pussies!"

--KC

Cherry-poppin headache

2006-05-26T14:41:00.000-07:00

First, a disclaimer. Look. I generally subscribe to the philosophy of moderation in all things, including politics (Libertarian). However, I also believe that consistency, logic, and reasonable evaluation of data should underlie government policy.* Perish the fucking thought! This will often make it seem like I have an ideological axe to grind, like, uh...now. But I really don't, i swear!

Anyway. The Christian right needs to Shut. Up. on the topic of birth control and STD prevention. Distributing condoms at school? Terrible! It would tell kids that having sex is good! Vaccinating kids against HPV? (Thanks Merck!!) Atrocious! Armed with the knowledge that they're no longer going to get cervical cancer when they're 60, girls will go out and sleep with every guy out there!

What the Christian right is concerned about is called a moral hazard - if you insure against the risk of something happening, it's more likely that that thing will happen, because people don't have to take responsibility for it. Take auto insurance for example; if you don't have any auto insurance, you're less likely to scream across four lanes of traffic at 102 mph to catch the exit you almost missed. You'd be more willing to deal with the hassle of safely getting off at the next exit and turning around, because if some little old lady decides to get in your way while you're trying to make this exit, and you total her Kia? It's your own thousands of hard-earned dollars that are going to fix her and her car. That's the theory, anyway. So according to the logic of the Christian right, we should do away with auto insurance because people will all drive more safely and we won't ever have accidents again!

Give me a fucking break. THINGS HAPPEN. That is why we're required to have auto insurance; that is why kids need birth control and vaccines to be made known and available to them. And the whole moral hazard theory is suspect anyhow. As far as car insurance goes, I know if I didn't have it I'd drive slower - for about a week. Most kids don't even know what HPV is. You think it's stopping them from having sex now? And while I know a lack of condoms would deter some responsible teenagers out there, it also makes it even harder for a girl to keep her boyfriend from pressuring her into unprotected sex. Don't even get me started the need of 3rd-world countries to receive aid AND condoms, yes, both, at the same time. (Sigh.)

*On a related note, if any of you haven't read Freakonomics by Levitt and Dubner, DO IT NOW. It's a fascinating read, even if you don't agree with the authors.

3 AM...4AM...5AM

2006-05-26T04:41:00.000-07:00

Ever since finals, 1 AM has turned into the gremlin sleep hour. Meaning, if I don't get to sleep before then, I'm up 'til the sun rises. Which was FINE last semester when I never had class before 1 PM, but now that I'm cursed with bar prep at 9 AM every day, sucks. Ass. So here I am, reading about the inevitable corruption and sex lives of fictional aid workers in Sudan and feeling that slow burn behind my eyelids that means 3 cups of coffee and 4 red bulls tomorrow so I don't fall on my face when my parents come to visit. Which they are doing to see with their very own eyes that I am finally, finally graduating (!) from law school, which I would be MUCH more excited about if I didn't have to do it at 9 AM on a Saturday.

But the point of this all is that I decided to do something marginally productive, as long as I was up. So, welcome to my blog! Happy Friday everyone (everyone who works that is, the rest of us don't care - suckas)!